My Ramblings

08-09-24

Today I found out about neocities and as an autistic hyperfixating(maybe a new special intrest??) on coding it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm in love. It's exactly what i was looking for. I finally figured out how to link two webpages together thanks to this video and it's not the same as adding a link.

I also want this to be like a personal blog/diary if you will, so this is that portion of this blog entry.

My life is so very hectic right now I swear I'm going to go crazy. For months I had been working on my ability to make friends and connect with other people as that's something I struggle with and have my entire life. And I successfully made two new friends for a while. But then all of a sudden, one just stopped responding to me out of nowhere. This is not the first time this has happened to me recently, and it's been a big part of why I struggle to keep friends as an adult. I feel like when I was younger, people rarely just stopped talking to me and it was more the other way around. Do any other autistics experience this with "neurotypical" friends? Maybe one day I'll figure out how to add a comment section or something.

Anyway, the second friend I made, may go down the same path I fear. It always starts the same, they talk to me all throughout the day, they seem really intrested in me and then slowly after the first time we hangout, they pull back. Getting less and less responsive until...nothing... He's starting that decend. And I'm honestly a bit scared, more than I was with friend 1, who I'll call Li from now on and friend 2 is Vay. I mean like I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that I'm on the demiromantic spectrum somewhere and the more I hangout with and learn about him, the harder it seems to not like him. How do other demis deal?? I brushed this off for too long, literally procrastinated my sexuality for 7 years and now I don't know what I'm supposed to do!!

08-10-24

Hi again. Didn't think Id come back I betbut here I am, rambling again. Im just getting off work. Another shitty day at the market. The job isnt bad but Im so ready to leave. Im going to quit really soon. I just had an interview at a smoke shop a few days and it went really well so im jusy hoping for a call back. I wont complain too much though.

Its the same old, same old with Vay. Another day of barely speaking just to be picked up in a few days for explicit activites. Why is everyone here like that. Arent there any people in the world actually looking for a meaningful relationship. Im so tired if people seeing me as an object they can pretend to care about. It's annoying and confusing.

Wow. Ranty post today I guess. I'm gonna figure out this message board thing at some point I promise.

08-11-24

Today was definitely something. It was a bad day. But I did a lot of Japanese work so that's good. こにちは! This website threw me in the wiringer today so there's no updates lol. Im feeling pretty bad so I think this will be it. じゃあまた！